Sharing Nugget #19

#19: Rebirth tastes like a breath of cool fresh air.

This evening, I announced my decision to step down as Chairperson of SCD.

It has gotten so ugly, that the only way for SCD to move on is to take myself out of the equation. I pray that such dark forces at work will not happen to SCD again.

I will remain as a SCD member, and continue to serve the school.

My only regret is that I do not have the chance to make things right as a chairperson, and it might affect my opportunities to do work for the school in the future. My credibility has been affected. And I do understand that no matter how much I have given to the school, all it takes is one such fall to take it all away.

But at least, I stepped down from leadership, but not from grace. I still have my dignity.

And now, I can really serve the school, without the heavy burden of politics. It will feel pure again. And yes, although I cannot leave a strong legacy as I would have wanted, I still have the chance to make a difference.

On reflection, I realize that I have over-stretched myself. I did too much, and burnt out. And when I went into hiding, the consequences were grave because of my leadership positions. Next time, I will be focused on my selected commitments.

Also, I did not create an environment where there are friendships in the council. There was not enough face time with everyone, and thus, communication, understanding and trust was lacking.

In the end, I took home 2 big lessons. I feel a sense of regret. But I have to take it like a man. I screwed up, I pay for it.
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I would like to thank the Social Science Society members, who were more forgiving about my disappearance as vice-president. They were understanding as friends, and they even paved the way for me to gain my legitimacy to be back by entrusting me with work. I had so much fun designing the posters, mailers etc, and giving ideas in the meetings.

Looking back, this is not the first time I failed. I failed in SAF before. But because of that failure, I grew so much. Now, my challenge is to make use of this failure to help myself grow. I have already tasted the first blossom after the winter – that of the difference the summer made in my life.

I remember this story where someone said that an entrepreneur would be thought of as a loser if he had been a bankrupt. But in the US, an entrepreneur would be thought of as a loser if they hadn’t been bankrupt before!

Yes, there will be pointing, and there will be gossips. But this is something I have to come to terms with, and let myself grow from this failure.

Because it is from adversities that we really build our character, not while in our comfort zones.
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I have two more years in SMU. Perhaps this milestone marks a new phase of my life. A new phase where I am more focused because I am clearer about my priorities, a new phase where I can dedicate more much needed time to my wife,

and a new phase where I am reborn.

I have to start from scratch, from ground up again - but I am now armed with 2 intense years of experience in SMU where I gain lots of explosure, an understanding of experiential learning and importance of reflection, new friends whom I really trust, and a renewed passion in my belly to serve the community.

I will still have history, but I have lost a lot of baggage.

Now, I feel light. I feel relieved. I feel like the foul air I am breathing these few dark days have passed.

I held up my arms, faced the sky, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath.

And then I taste it. So this is how it tastes like.

Rebirth tastes like a breath of cool fresh air. And I felt so free.